1
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:06,071
TAKE IT EASY, CHIEF.
NOW WATCH YOUR STEP.

2
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:12,989
SOMEDAY, MAX, SOMEDAY I'D LIKE TO
LEAVE MY APARTMENT BY THE FRONT DOOR.

3
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,991
THESE PRECAUTIONS
ARE NECESSARY, CHIEF.

4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,826
AFTER ALL, YOU'RE A
VERY IMPORTANT MAN

5
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,262
AND WE NEVER KNOW WHAT THE
ENEMY IS GONNA TRY AND DO NEXT.

6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,899
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT, BUT SOMEHOW
OR ANOTHER IT DOESN'T SEEM DIGNIFIED.

7
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,268
SECURITY FIRST, CHIEF.

8
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:28,872
ANYWAY, I CERTAINLY HOPE
YOU HAVE A NICE VACATION.

9
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:31,140
- YOU'VE GOT A GOOD REST
COMING TO YOU.
- THANK YOU, MAX.

10
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,810
- SEE YOU ON MONDAY.
- YOU SURE YOU'VE GOT
EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL?

11
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,367
DON'T WORRY ABOUT A THING,
CHIEF. YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.

12
00:00:43,009 --> 00:00:46,722
- OH!
- OH, SORRY ABOUT
THAT, CHIEF.

13
00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:49,426
NEVER MIND, MAX. JUST
PUT THE BAGS IN THE TRUNK.

14
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,451
RIGHT, CHIEF. NO
SOONER SAID THAN DONE.

15
00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:58,835
- <i>[engine grinding]</i>
- CHIEF, HAVE YOU GOT A KEY...

16
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:01,271
WHAT'S THE MATTER, CHIEF.
CAN'T YOU GET IT STARTED?

17
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,829
- <i>DOESN'T SEEM</i>
TO TURN OVER.
- <i>[engine grinding]</i>

18
00:01:05,533 --> 00:01:08,978
WELL, NOW I DON'T CLAIM TO
BE AN EXPERT ON THESE THINGS,

19
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:13,250
BUT I'M WILLING TO MAKE A LARGE WAGER
THAT I KNOW JUST WHERE THE TROUBLE IS.

20
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,252
- WHERE, MAX?
- THE ENGINE.

21
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:18,421
GOOD THINKING. YOU WANT
TO TAKE A LOOK THERE?

22
00:01:18,445 --> 00:01:20,423
- WHERE?
- IN THE ENGINE.

23
00:01:20,447 --> 00:01:22,380
RIGHT, CHIEF.

24
00:01:34,461 --> 00:01:36,639
OKAY, TRY HER NOW.

25
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:38,597
<i>[engine starts]</i>

26
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,446
MAX. MAX!

27
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,069
CARBURETOR.

28
00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:51,721
MAX, COME ON! MAX,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

29
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,645
SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD NOW.

30
00:01:55,782 --> 00:01:59,496
- YOU'RE GETTING
A BACKFIRE.
- MAX! MAX!

31
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,653
HELP ME! [groans]

32
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,874
OKAY, CHIEF. I'LL JUST
TAKE THESE SUITCASES

33
00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,876
AND PUT 'EM IN THE TRUNK.

34
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,168
- [tires screech]
- CHIEF!

35
00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:19,438
CHIEF, YOU FORGOT YOUR LUGGAGE!

36
00:02:21,442 --> 00:02:24,009
HURRY, HURRY, HURRY.

37
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,980
<i>[theme music playing]</i>

38
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:28,151
I'M SORRY, WINDISH, BUT
I JUST CAN'T SUBSCRIBE

39
00:03:28,175 --> 00:03:30,253
TO THE THEORY THAT THE
CHIEF MET WITH FOUL PLAY.

40
00:03:30,277 --> 00:03:32,255
NOW LET'S FACE THE FACTS, 86.

41
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:36,114
THE AUTOMOBILE WAS FOUND ABANDONED
10 MILES AWAY ABOUT TWO HOURS AGO.

42
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,563
WE WENT OVER THE CAR VERY THOROUGHLY,
MAX, AND WE FOUND A FEW THINGS.

43
00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,798
- THEY'RE IN HERE.
- OH, THANK YOU, 99.

44
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:45,034
LET'S SEE WHAT WE'VE GOT HERE.

45
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,403
STRANDS OF HAIR,

46
00:03:47,427 --> 00:03:49,787
ODD-SHAPED PIECE OF METAL...

47
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,099
BUTTON...

48
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:58,647
AND THIS PIECE OF PAPER.

49
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:01,084
OKAY, WINDISH, NOW FOR A LITTLE

50
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,086
BASIC DETECTIVE WORK.

51
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,710
- THIS SHOULD BE INTERESTING.
- GO AHEAD, MAX.

52
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:15,064
- WHAT'S YOUR CONCLUSION, MAX?
- THE CHIEF HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED.

53
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:18,267
MAY I ASK WHICH ONE OF THESE
ITEMS LED YOU TO THAT CONCLUSION?

54
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:21,671
- THIS INNOCENT-LOOKING
PIECE OF PAPER.
- WHY, MAX? WHAT IS IT?

55
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,073
A RANSOM NOTE.

56
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,977
THEY WANT $200,000 FOR THE
CHIEF, OR THEY'RE GOING TO KILL HIM.

57
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,813
NOW WHERE ARE WE GOING
TO GET THAT KIND OF MONEY?

58
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:33,750
COULDN'T WE ASK THE
GOVERNMENT FOR HELP?

59
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,485
99, WE'RE A TOP-SECRET
ORGANIZATION.

60
00:04:36,509 --> 00:04:38,854
NOT EVEN THE STATE
DEPARTMENT KNOWS ABOUT US.

61
00:04:38,878 --> 00:04:42,292
WE JUST CAN'T GO RUNNING TO THEM
EVERY TIME WE'VE GOT A LITTLE PROBLEM.

62
00:04:42,316 --> 00:04:45,829
THEN WHAT ABOUT CONGRESS, MAX? THEY
COULD PUT THROUGH A SPECIAL APPROPRIATION.

63
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:48,031
- HOW LONG WOULD THAT TAKE?
- THREE MONTHS.

64
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:50,900
- WELL, WHAT IF IT WAS
AN EMERGENCY?
- FOUR MONTHS.

65
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,870
- FORGET IT.
- <i>I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT, MAX.</i>

66
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,871
IT'S JUST THAT I'M SO
WORRIED ABOUT OUR CHIEF.

67
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:58,241
WELL, I'M WORRIED
ABOUT THE CHIEF TOO, 99.

68
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,243
MY GOSH.

69
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,312
THERE'S NO ONE FONDER
OF THE CHIEF THAN I AM

70
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,513
AND NO ONE CLOSER TO THE CHIEF.

71
00:05:04,537 --> 00:05:06,749
BUT $200,000...

72
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,018
AFTER ALL, HE IS A USED CHIEF.

73
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:13,189
MAX, MAYBE THIS IS SOMETHING THAT
YOU SHOULD TAKE RIGHT TO THE TOP.

74
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,191
YOU MEAN, CALL HIM?

75
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:17,693
OH, I COULDN'T DO THAT, 99.

76
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:19,996
MAYBE I CAN GET IN TOUCH
WITH ONE OF HIS AIDES.

77
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,466
MAX, IT'S GOT TO BE HIM.

78
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,236
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S
JUST THAT I HATE TO BOTHER HIM.

79
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,471
HE HAS SO MANY PROBLEMS NOW.

80
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,028
WELL, I'LL USE THE HOTLINE.

81
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,726
HELLO, SIR? UH, THIS
IS MAXWELL SMART,

82
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,894
AGENT 86 FROM CONTROL.

83
00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,896
UH, FINE, THANK YOU, SIR.

84
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,233
UH, SIR, I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW
HOW TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT, UH,

85
00:05:57,257 --> 00:06:00,036
OUR CHIEF HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED.

86
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,772
YES, WE THINK IT'S
A SHAME TOO, SIR.

87
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:06,508
WELL, THEY WANT
$200,000 FOR HIS RETURN,

88
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:09,746
AND WE THOUGHT PERHAPS
YOU COULD HELP US.

89
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,014
OH. WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.

90
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,016
THAT'S VERY NICE OF YOU.

91
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:16,518
WE CERTAINLY APPRECIATE
IT. YES, SIR. THANK YOU.

92
00:06:16,542 --> 00:06:18,520
WHAT DID HE SAY, MAX?

93
00:06:18,544 --> 00:06:21,012
HE SAID TO PUT HIM DOWN FOR $12.

94
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:30,032
YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY
WITH THIS, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

95
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,336
I'M SORRY. I NEGLECTED
TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

96
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:37,373
MY NAME IS SATAN...
HARVEY SATAN.

97
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:40,543
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK YOU CAN
HOLD ME HERE BEFORE MY MEN FIND ME?

98
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,533
THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOU HERE.

99
00:06:44,338 --> 00:06:48,484
MY PRIVATE SANATORIUM
IS TOO WELL HIDDEN.

100
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:52,355
BESIDES, YOU'LL BE BACK IN YOUR
CONTROL HEADQUARTERS SOON ENOUGH,

101
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:54,424
AFTER THEY'VE PAID YOUR RANSOM.

102
00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:56,426
YOU MEAN THIS IS
JUST A KIDNAPPING?

103
00:06:56,450 --> 00:07:00,029
NO, NOT<i> JUST</i> A KIDNAPPING.

104
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:04,367
AFTER YOUR ORGANIZATION HAS PAID
THE $200,000 WE'RE ASKING FOR YOU,

105
00:07:04,391 --> 00:07:07,771
WE'LL SEND YOU BACK TO THEM,
AND YOU'LL BE IN PERFECT HEALTH,

106
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,939
BUT YOU'LL BE WORKING FOR KAOS.

107
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:13,375
THERE IS NO WAY YOU CAN
FORCE ME TO WORK FOR KAOS.

108
00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,445
AS WE SPEAK, AT
THIS VERY MOMENT,

109
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:19,082
A CERTAIN DR. LAZLO VON HAVOC
IS ON A PLANE FROM EUROPE.

110
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,085
I'VE NEVER MET THE MAN, BUT I'VE BEEN
LED TO BELIEVE THAT HE CAN PERFORM

111
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,053
THE MOST INCREDIBLE OPERATION

112
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,989
THAT WILL TURN YOU

113
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:29,358
INTO OUR WILLING SLAVE.

114
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,394
IMAGINE, RUDOLPH...
THE CHIEF OF CONTROL

115
00:07:32,418 --> 00:07:34,397
A KAOS MAN.

116
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,420
THE DOOR, RUDOLPH.

117
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:41,203
YOUR NEW QUARTERS.

118
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,205
RUDOLPH...

119
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:45,374
WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME IN THERE?

120
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:48,878
WE HAVE TO LOWER YOUR BODY
TEMPERATURE FOR THE OPERATION TONIGHT.

121
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:51,342
I HOPE IT'S NOT TOO
UNCOMFORTABLE.

122
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,618
MY ADVICE TO YOU, CHIEF,

123
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:58,082
IS TRY TO STAY COOL.

124
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:03,125
Max: <i>WE'LL NEVER GET $200,000.</i>

125
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,328
43.50 FROM THE LAB TECHNICIANS.

126
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:08,164
"43.50... LAB."

127
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,300
WOW! HERE'S ONE FOR $500!

128
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,768
$500? NOW THAT'S GREAT.

129
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:15,171
NOW WE'RE GETTING
SOMEPLACE. WHO'S THAT FROM?

130
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:18,096
- THE BOYS IN COUNTERFEITING.
- "COUNTERFEIT..."

131
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:24,280
ONLY A FEW MORE CHANCES
LEFT ON OUR PUNCHBOARD.

132
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:26,315
TAKE A CHANCE ON OUR CHIEF.

133
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,417
GET THEM NOW. ONLY
A FEW MORE LEFT.

134
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:31,587
- <i>[phone rings]</i>
- THAT'S THE CHIEF'S
SPECIAL PHONE.

135
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:35,124
- SHOULD WE ANSWER IT?
- THAT'S HIS PRIVATE WIRE.

136
00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:37,628
I'M GOING TO ANSWER IT.

137
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,954
<i>[continues ringing]</i>

138
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,371
<i>[phone continues ringing]</i>

139
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,983
MAXWELL SMART, AGENT 86 HERE.

140
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:18,801
WOULD YOU MIND
REPEATING THAT PLEASE?

141
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,204
Satan: <i>I said I'm
speaking for your chief.</i>

142
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,839
<i>If you wish to see
him again alive,</i>

143
00:09:23,863 --> 00:09:26,309
<i>pay close attention
to my instructions.</i>

144
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:29,112
- GET A TRACER
ON THIS CALL, HODGKINS.
- <i>Don't do it, Hodgkins.</i>

145
00:09:29,136 --> 00:09:32,782
- GO AHEAD, HODGKINS.
- <i>Stay there, Hodgkins.</i>

146
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:35,618
<i>At 8:00 this evening, one of your
agents will take the ransom money</i>

147
00:09:35,642 --> 00:09:38,755
<i>and carry it in a suitcase
into Municipal Park.</i>

148
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:43,526
<i>Enter the park by the southwest
entrance and keep walking.</i>

149
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:47,430
<i>You'll receive further
instructions in the park.</i>

150
00:09:47,454 --> 00:09:49,731
<i>One agent, no more,</i>

151
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,734
<i>or your chief will be killed.</i>

152
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,303
WAIT A MINUTE. HOW DO WE
KNOW YOU REALLY HAVE THE CHIEF?

153
00:09:54,327 --> 00:09:56,405
<i>Well, who else knows
about his abduction</i>

154
00:09:56,429 --> 00:10:00,342
<i>besides you and me? [chuckles]</i>

155
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,511
- <i>All right, Hodgkins,</i>
you can go now.
- <i>[line clicks]</i>

156
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:05,315
- YES, SIR.
- HODGKINS, COME BACK HERE.

157
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,951
GET A BRIEFCASE AND FILL IT WITH
ALL THE MONEY WE'VE COLLECTED.

158
00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,029
AND DON'T WASTE ANY TIME.
THERE'S NO TIME TO LOSE.

159
00:10:10,053 --> 00:10:10,453
YES, 86.

160
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,122
- WHAT'S YOUR PLAN, MAX?
- I'M GOING INTO THAT PARK.

161
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:15,157
- ALONE?
- ALONE.

162
00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,326
BUT, MAX, YOU'LL BE
IN TERRIBLE DANGER.

163
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:20,251
I KNOW. THOSE PARKS
ARE MURDER AT NIGHT.

164
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:33,943
Satan: <i>DON'T TURN AROUND.</i>

165
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,300
<i>TAKE TWO STEPS BACKWARDS.</i>

166
00:10:39,573 --> 00:10:41,539
THE BRIEFCASE.

167
00:10:43,242 --> 00:10:46,255
JUST A MINUTE. HOW DO I
KNOW WE'LL GET THE CHIEF BACK?

168
00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:49,692
DON'T WORRY, YOU'LL GET HIM.
SATAN ALWAYS KEEPS HIS WORD.

169
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,962
SATAN? HARVEY SATAN OF KAOS?

170
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,497
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- HMM, I THOUGHT
HE WAS IN JAIL.

171
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:59,101
WASN'T HE CONVICTED OF ARSON,
TREASON, INSURRECTION AND MASS MURDER?

172
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:02,871
HE GOT TIME OFF
FOR GOOD BEHAVIOR.

173
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:06,964
- DON'T TRY TO FOLLOW ME.
- DON'T WORRY,
I WOULDN'T THINK OF IT.

174
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:23,526
HELLO, CONTROL CENTRAL?

175
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:25,561
THIS IS AGENT 86.

176
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:29,932
STAND BY TO EXECUTE CHECKPOINT
TRACKING PLAN ON HARVEY SATAN.

177
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,635
ARE ALL OUR AGENTS AT
THEIR PROPER CHECKPOINTS?

178
00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:35,037
GOOD. I'M PUTTING
A HOLD ON MY SHOE

179
00:11:35,061 --> 00:11:37,094
AND SWITCHING TO MY WALLET.

180
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,479
HELLO, CHECKPOINT CHARLIE?

181
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,481
IS THAT YOU, 99?

182
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:48,083
PICK UP SUSPECT
AT WEST STREET EXIT.

183
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:51,153
YES, THAT WOULD BE NORTH
ON LEONARD STREET. UH-HUH.

184
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,244
HE'S IN HIS CAR? GOOD.

185
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,693
HELLO, CENTRAL? I'M
SWITCHING TO MY EYEGLASSES.

186
00:11:57,717 --> 00:12:00,518
PUT A HOLD ON MY WALLET,
BUT KEEP MY SHOE OPEN.

187
00:12:05,792 --> 00:12:07,770
HELLO, CHECKPOINT BAKER?

188
00:12:07,794 --> 00:12:10,239
SUSPECT IS HEADING YOUR WAY.

189
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,308
WHERE? EAST ON
WYCKOFF AVENUE, EH?

190
00:12:13,332 --> 00:12:15,967
ALL RIGHT, MOVE OUT
AT A SAFE DISTANCE.

191
00:12:17,503 --> 00:12:21,005
CONTROL CENTRAL,
I'M SWITCHING TO MY TIE.

192
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,925
HELLO? HELLO?

193
00:12:28,949 --> 00:12:31,627
HELLO?

194
00:12:31,651 --> 00:12:34,163
HELLO, CONTROL CENTRAL?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?

195
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:37,299
OH, MY TIE IS BUSY. WELL, UH,

196
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:40,068
PUT ME ON MY HANDKERCHIEF,
EXTENSION FOUR.

197
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,271
<i>[line ringing]</i>

198
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,974
NEVER MIND THE HANDKERCHIEF,
CENTRAL. MY BELT IS RINGING.

199
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,932
[ringing]

200
00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:53,449
HELLO? CHECKPOINT EASY?

201
00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:56,073
YES. I'LL BE RIGHT
WITH YOU. HOLD ON.

202
00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,357
HELLO, CENTRAL? CANCEL MY
HANDKERCHIEF, HOLD MY GLASSES,

203
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:05,182
CUT OFF MY SHOE, AND SEE IF
YOU CAN GET THAT GUY OFF MY TIE.

204
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:10,900
[line ringing]

205
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:13,636
HELLO? HELLO? 86 HERE.

206
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:17,005
HELLO, ZEBRA? LISTEN, THERE'S
A LITTLE STATIC ON MY GARTER.

207
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:19,942
COULD YOU SPEAK UP? AH,
GOOD. THAT'S MUCH BETTER.

208
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,812
UH-HUH. THE CAR HAS PULLED
UP TO A PRIVATE SANATORIUM?

209
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,915
HMM. THAT MUST
BE SATAN'S HIDEOUT.

210
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:30,886
WHAT'S THE NAME
OF THE SANATORIUM?

211
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,977
I SHOULD'VE GUESSED IT.

212
00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:36,247
"SATAN PLACE."

213
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,843
IT LOOKS IMPENETRABLE, MAX.

214
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:55,845
I KNOW, 99, BUT
IT'S THE ONLY WAY.

215
00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:58,246
WE CAN'T FORCE OUR WAY
IN OR THEY'LL KILL THE CHIEF.

216
00:13:58,270 --> 00:14:01,138
- I THINK WE'D BETTER TAKE
A CLOSER LOOK AROUND.
- RIGHT.

217
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:07,490
- I'LL CHECK THE WALL.
- WATCH IT, 99!

218
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,792
- HAVE YOU GOT A HAIRPIN?
- NO.

219
00:14:09,816 --> 00:14:13,262
- I'VE GOT ONE.
- MAX!

220
00:14:13,286 --> 00:14:15,786
I USE IT FOR PICKING LOCKS.

221
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,090
STAND BACK, 99.

222
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:33,349
JUST AS I THOUGHT...
ELECTRIC GRASS.

223
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:36,085
NOW HOW ARE WE
GONNA GET IN THERE?

224
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:39,121
I KNOW. WHAT ABOUT THE
GREEN VOLT MANEUVER?

225
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,479
HMM, THAT MIGHT JUST WORK.

226
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:48,497
UH-HUH. LOOK, 99.

227
00:14:48,521 --> 00:14:50,688
HERE'S THE WIRE.

228
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:55,604
AND HERE'S THE PLUG.

229
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,562
LOOK.

230
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,412
NO WONDER WE COULDN'T FIND IT.

231
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,596
THE NIGHT LIGHT FELL OUT.

232
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,419
99, WE'VE GOT TO
GET OVER THAT WALL.

233
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:13,689
IT'S TOO HIGH TO JUMP. WHAT
HAVE WE GOT IN THE TOOL KIT?

234
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:16,458
UM...

235
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,416
OH, TRY THIS, MAX.

236
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,064
HOW AM I GONNA GET OVER
THE WALL WITH A TELESCOPE?

237
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,432
THAT'S NOT A TELESCOPE,
MAX. IT'S A VAULTING POLE.

238
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:27,258
- OH, GOOD. I'LL GO FIRST,
AND YOU FOLLOW ME.
- RIGHT.

239
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,384
[gasps]

240
00:15:42,408 --> 00:15:45,921
- WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT, 99?
- THESE CATERPILLAR SHOES.

241
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:49,925
OH, GOOD. THESE SUCTION CUPS
WILL FIT TO PRACTICALLY ANYTHING.

242
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:52,728
I'LL TAKE THEM...

243
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:55,086
MAX, LOOK OUT.

244
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,801
[whispering] IT'S A TAXICAB.

245
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,771
- <i>[car door shuts]</i>
- THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE
GETTING OUT.

246
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,839
THEY'RE COMING THIS WAY.
WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

247
00:16:03,863 --> 00:16:05,875
- KNOCK THIS INTO
THE BUSHES AND COVER IT.
- RIGHT.

248
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,098
GET BEHIND THIS TREE.

249
00:16:16,242 --> 00:16:17,081
WHAT IS IT, DOCTOR?

250
00:16:17,105 --> 00:16:18,954
[German accent] LET ME
SEE YOUR FLASHLIGHT.

251
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,323
I THINK THIS TAXI DRIVER
SHORTCHANGED ME.

252
00:16:21,347 --> 00:16:25,060
Woman:<i> I HOPE MR. SATAN HAS PREPARED
THE PATIENT FOR SURGERY, DR. VON HAVOC.</i>

253
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,596
I'M SURE HE HAS. I'VE GIVEN
HIM FULL INSTRUCTIONS.

254
00:16:27,620 --> 00:16:29,965
- BY PHONE?
- NO, I'VE NEVER
TALKED TO THE MAN.

255
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,023
<i>WE ALWAYS COMMUNICATE BY MAIL.</i>

256
00:16:33,292 --> 00:16:35,270
PARDON ME,

257
00:16:35,294 --> 00:16:37,706
- ARE YOU LOOKING
FOR HARVEY SATAN?
- WHY, YES.

258
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,542
- WOULD YOU STEP
THIS WAY, PLEASE?
- WHICH WAY?

259
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:42,686
[German accent] DAT VAY.

260
00:16:46,305 --> 00:16:48,784
- 99, RING THE BELL.
- RIGHT.

261
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,741
<i>[bell rings]</i>

262
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,827
[German accent] GOOD
EVENING. I AM DR. VON HAVOC,

263
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,063
AND THIS IS MY ASSISTANT.

264
00:17:01,087 --> 00:17:03,327
WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING
YOU, DOCTOR.

265
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:09,905
PLEASE, HURRY.

266
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,741
SATAN WANTS TO GET THIS
OVER AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE.

267
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,699
<i>[clicks heels]</i>

268
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,884
WE'VE DONE EVERYTHING
ACCORDING TO THE INSTRUCTIONS

269
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:24,886
WE RECEIVED FROM
KAOS, DR. VON HAVOC.

270
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:28,891
AH, THAT IS GOOD, THAT IS GOOD.
YOU HAVE DONE WELL, MR. SATAN.

271
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:33,061
[testily] I ALWAYS DO
WELL, DR, VON HAVOC.

272
00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:36,966
YOUR PATIENT IS READY. HIS BODY
TEMPERATURE IS PRECISELY AS REQUESTED.

273
00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:39,869
AH, THAT IS GOOD. WHERE IS THE
PATIENT? BRING HIM IN, PLEASE.

274
00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,159
RUDOLPH, GREGOR.

275
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:50,534
AH. YES, OF COURSE.

276
00:17:53,639 --> 00:17:57,820
NOT MUCH OF A
SPECIMEN, MR. SATAN,

277
00:17:57,844 --> 00:18:00,288
BUT WE'LL DO WHAT WE CAN.

278
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:03,658
AND NOW IF YOU DON'T MIND,
GENTLEMEN, MY ASSISTANT AND I

279
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:07,495
WOULD LIKE TO BE LEFT
ALONE WITH THE PATIENT.

280
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:09,787
CERTAINLY, DR. VON
HAVOC. RUDOLPH.

281
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,973
-<i> [door shuts]</i> - LOOK,
99. HE'S FROZEN SOLID.

282
00:18:17,997 --> 00:18:19,975
- POOR CHIEF!
- LET'S GET HIM
OUT OF HERE.

283
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,032
RIGHT.

284
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:29,051
CHIEF?

285
00:18:29,075 --> 00:18:31,553
IT'S ME, MAX. CAN YOU HEAR ME?

286
00:18:31,577 --> 00:18:33,756
[loud tapping]

287
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,958
MAX, WHY DON'T YOU TRY
TO CONTACT HEADQUARTERS?

288
00:18:36,982 --> 00:18:39,595
HMM, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA,
99. I'LL CALL THEM ON MY SHOE,

289
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,952
AND YOU BREATHE
HEAVILY ON THE CHIEF.

290
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,207
HELLO, CONTROL
HEADQUARTERS? SMART HERE.

291
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,476
HOW SOON CAN YOU
MOVE IN ON SATAN PLACE?

292
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,045
GOOD. BRING ROPES, GUNS,

293
00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,881
30 MEN, AND THREE
CONTAINERS OF HOT COFFEE.

294
00:18:59,905 --> 00:19:04,086
- HOW DO YOU LIKE
YOUR COFFEE, 99?
- UH, CREAM AND SUGAR.

295
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,755
ONE WITH CREAM AND SUGAR AND
ONE BLACK. HOW ABOUT YOU, CHIEF?

296
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:10,648
- MM.
- UH, CANCEL ONE OF THE COFFEES
AND MAKE IT TEA. RIGHT.

297
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,598
WELL, THEY'LL BE HERE IN 10 MINUTES.
WE'VE GOT TO STALL UNTIL THEY GET HERE.

298
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:18,633
OH, MAX, HE'LL NEVER
BE THAWED OUT IN TIME.

299
00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:21,203
WELL, WE'LL JUST HAVE TO TRY
AND TAKE HIM OUT THE WAY HE IS.

300
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:23,338
[exhales] RIGHT.

301
00:19:23,362 --> 00:19:27,008
- CAREFUL. YOU'LL CRACK HIM.
- WELL, DOCTORS?

302
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:29,845
- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- AH, MR. SATAN!

303
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:32,280
HOW FORTUNATE YOU
ARRIVED JUST IN TIME.

304
00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,416
THE PRISONER WAS
TRYING TO ESCAPE.

305
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:36,485
RIGHT. WE CAUGHT
HIM JUST IN TIME.

306
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,555
HOW COULD HE MOVE
WHEN HE'S FROZEN SOLID?

307
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:42,724
THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM. I
AM JUST THE DOCTOR HERE.

308
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,960
YOU WILL HAVE TO ASK
HIM THAT YOURSELF.

309
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:48,063
AND NOW IF YOU GENTLEMEN
DON'T MIND, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT

310
00:19:48,087 --> 00:19:52,000
IF YOU WOULD PUT THE PATIENT
ON THE OPERATING TABLE.

311
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,926
YES, RUDOLPH. PUT THE
PATIENT ON THE OPERATING TABLE.

312
00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:01,565
WE'VE GOT TO DELAY THE OPERATION
UNTIL I CAN FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

313
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,747
MOST PECULIAR,
RUDOLPH. MOST PECULIAR.

314
00:20:05,771 --> 00:20:08,616
GREGOR, I WANT YOU TO
WATCH THE DOCTOR CLOSELY.

315
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:13,110
- RUDOLPH, GO OUT
AND CHECK THE GROUNDS.
- YES, SIR.

316
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:19,561
DOCTOR, I WANT YOUR PATIENT
OUT OF HERE WITHIN THE HOUR.

317
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:23,732
- UH, WHAT HAPPENED TO
THAT OTHER MAN, RUDOLPH?
- OUT ON THE GROUNDS.

318
00:20:23,756 --> 00:20:26,601
I SENT HIM OUT TO MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING WAS IN ORDER.

319
00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,471
WELL, DOCTOR, ARE
YOU READY TO BEGIN?

320
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:33,609
UH, YES, WE'LL BEGIN JUST AS SOON
AS THE DOCTOR WASHES HIS HANDS.

321
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:38,080
MY HANDS? AH, YES,
OF COURSE! MY HANDS.

322
00:20:38,104 --> 00:20:40,416
I WILL COMMENCE
WITH THE OPERATION

323
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,185
AS SOON AS I HAVE
WASHED MY HANDS.

324
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:45,621
I DON'T SUPPOSE

325
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:48,424
I HAVE TIME TO BRUSH MY TEETH?

326
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:51,493
AH, I DIDN'T THINK SO.

327
00:20:51,517 --> 00:20:55,997
AMERICANS! EVERYTHING
IS RUSH RUSH RUSH!

328
00:20:56,021 --> 00:20:58,889
NO WONDER YOU NEVER
GET ANYTHING DONE.

329
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,971
ACTUALLY, THIS ROOM IS

330
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:06,197
NOT COLD ENOUGH
FOR THE OPERATION.

331
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:16,718
- YOUR GLOVES, DOCTOR.
- AH, GOOD.

332
00:21:16,742 --> 00:21:19,421
- WHY'D YOU TURN
THE TEMPERATURE DOWN?
- I CAN'T EXPLAIN NOW.

333
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:21,757
JUST KEEP STALLING, AND
WHEN I GIVE YOU THE SIGNAL,

334
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:24,025
TURN ON THAT FAUCET
WITH THE HOSE ATTACHED.

335
00:21:24,049 --> 00:21:26,028
- RIGHT.
- AH!

336
00:21:26,052 --> 00:21:30,198
- NOW IF WE CAN JUST TAKE
THE PATIENT'S TEMPERATURE.
- OH, RIGHT.

337
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:32,456
- YOUR THERMOMETER, DOCTOR.
- AH, GOOD.

338
00:21:33,826 --> 00:21:35,870
<i>[glass shatters]</i>

339
00:21:35,894 --> 00:21:39,841
SWEEP THAT UP AND PUT IT
UNDER THE PATIENT'S TONGUE.

340
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:42,677
UH, NEVER MIND THE
THERMOMETER, NURSE.

341
00:21:42,701 --> 00:21:45,847
I THINK IT IS TIME TO GET
ON WITH THE OPERATION.

342
00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:48,705
NOW IF YOU WOULD JUST
LAY OUT THE INSTRUMENTS.

343
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:53,555
- HERE WE GO.
- AH, GOOD.

344
00:21:53,579 --> 00:21:57,292
AH! BUT THEY ARE NOT
IN THE RIGHT PLACES.

345
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,861
THIS IS THE EUROPEAN STYLE.

346
00:21:59,885 --> 00:22:02,431
THIS OPERATION IS
ON THE AMERICAN PLAN.

347
00:22:02,455 --> 00:22:04,767
I WILL SHOW YOU.

348
00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:08,603
DOCTOR, I THINK YOU'D
BETTER OPERATE RIGHT NOW.

349
00:22:08,627 --> 00:22:12,663
HE CAN'T OPERATE.
HE'S NOT DR. VON HAVOC.

350
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,447
I FOUND DR. VON HAVOC AND
HIS ASSISTANT OUTSIDE THE WALL.

351
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:21,016
YOU'RE RIGHT. I AM
NOT DR. VON HAVOC.

352
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:24,408
I'M MAXWELL SMART,
SECRET AGENT 86. NOW, 99!

353
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,559
- IT WORKED, 99!
- WHAT GAVE YOU
THE IDEA, MAX?

354
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:32,549
THE FROZEN WATER IN THIS SINK.

355
00:22:34,653 --> 00:22:36,665
THAT'S THE END OF SATAN PLACE.

356
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:40,702
YES, AND THAT'S THE END OF
THOSE THREE HARDENED CRIMINALS.

357
00:22:40,726 --> 00:22:44,706
MAX, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF
YOUR PLAN TO FREEZE THEM HADN'T WORKED?

358
00:22:44,730 --> 00:22:47,375
- I HAD AN ALTERNATE PLAN.
- WHAT WAS THAT?

359
00:22:47,399 --> 00:22:49,377
[German accent] I WAS
GOING TO GO RIGHT AHEAD

360
00:22:49,401 --> 00:22:51,814
AND OPERATE ON THE CHIEF.

361
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:54,305
[mumbling]

362
00:23:02,181 --> 00:23:04,292
WELL, CHIEF, WHO
DOES IT FEEL TO BE BACK

363
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:07,476
SAFE AND WARM IN
YOUR OWN OFFICE AGAIN?

364
00:23:08,688 --> 00:23:10,654
WAIT A MINUTE.

365
00:23:12,357 --> 00:23:15,704
WHERE'S MY PAINTING?
WHERE'S MY DESK SET?

366
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:17,906
- MY CHAIR!
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, CHIEF.

367
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:20,475
IT'S JUST THAT WE HAD TO RAISE
THE MONEY FOR YOUR RANSOM.

368
00:23:20,499 --> 00:23:22,778
YOU SOLD ALL MY
OFFICE FURNITURE?

369
00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:25,280
AUCTIONED, CHIEF. NOT SOLD.

370
00:23:25,304 --> 00:23:27,649
WELL, WHERE'S THE $200,000?

371
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:30,051
WELL, WE DIDN'T QUITE
GET THAT MUCH, CHIEF.

372
00:23:30,075 --> 00:23:33,744
150,000? 100,000?

373
00:23:35,281 --> 00:23:38,059
50,000?

374
00:23:38,083 --> 00:23:40,228
AM I GETTING WARM?

375
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,497
WELL, CHIEF, LET'S
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY...

376
00:23:42,521 --> 00:23:45,100
UH, YOU REMEMBER
TENNYSON'S POEM,

377
00:23:45,124 --> 00:23:47,536
"CANNONS TO THE LEFT OF THEM,
CANNONS TO THE RIGHT OF THEM,

378
00:23:47,560 --> 00:23:49,971
INTO THE VALLEY OF
DEATH RODE THE..."

379
00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:52,240
- 600.
- RIGHT.

380
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:56,244
$600? THAT'S ALL?

381
00:23:56,268 --> 00:23:58,380
WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME
AND GET SOME REST?

382
00:23:58,404 --> 00:24:01,516
YOU'LL GET A LITTLE SLEEP, YOU'LL GET
WARM, AND WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT ON MONDAY.

383
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:03,518
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. HAVE
THEM SEND AROUND MY CAR.

384
00:24:03,542 --> 00:24:06,855
- UH, MY CAR, CHIEF.
- WHAT?

385
00:24:06,879 --> 00:24:09,866
I WON IT IN THE RAFFLE. I
WON IT FAIR AND SQUARE.

386
00:24:09,890 --> 00:24:10,893
YOU WON MY CAR?

387
00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:13,862
YEAH, BUT THAT'S OKAY, CHIEF.
YOU CAN HAVE IT ON WEEKNIGHTS.

388
00:24:13,886 --> 00:24:15,886
[muttering]

389
00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:19,356
HE WANTS TO GO
BACK TO THE ICEBOX.

390
00:24:22,361 --> 00:24:24,361
<i>[theme music plays]</i>